You may have noticed my blog has gone through some periods of sheer nothingness. There were also moments when I attempted to bring it back to life in a sense. But the truth is, for a good part of the last 2 1/2 years, I have been kind of in a state of nothingness myself. I am sure many of you have been there, and maybe you still are. It’s not a good place to be. Knowing how that feels, I don’t want that for you at all.
I believe it started after my mom died. I went into full on strong wife, mom, sister, niece mode. I know for a fact that God saw me through that period, but the truth is, what was waiting at the end of that valley was an uphill climb that seemed daunting at times.
Decisions were made during that time that I know should never have been made. The one thing I have always heard is that big decisions should never be made in times of high stress, like mourning the loss of a parent. Yet, we went ahead and made a decision to move across country. Then we didn’t make the move. Our house was almost all packed. Our things were in storage. I signed up for a homeschool group and found a doctor for the kids. We were set. But, my husband felt it wasn’t the right move and I was upset. To say the least. I allowed it to send me into a tailspin of depression and my brain was constantly questioning every move, every decision. Should we move to Florida? Should we move somewhere else? Are we supposed to stay? Why on earth would God want us to stay in a place I have wanted to leave for the whole time I have lived here? It felt like I had a literal tornado swirling in my brain and it was non-stop.
I wasn’t really fun to be around. Heck, I didn’t even like to be around me.
And everything started falling through the cracks and being left undone…like this little blog that God had blessed me with several years ago. I would occasionally look at my blog numbers and what did I notice? That my readers were still coming. It was obvious that God kept my blog going…even when I didn’t have anything to offer.
And that’s what started my journey back. The realization that just like when I felt I had nothing to offer, God was still there, filling in the gaps. He wasn’t about to let something that He started, fail. He wasn’t going to allow Satan to win me over and keep me from sharing my faith and stories with you. I had nothing to offer Him. Nothing I do could ever make Him love me more than He does already. He is always and was always with me, through it all.
He is the gap filler.
He is the God of second, third, fourth, and infinite chances.
He is the only one who understands exactly where we are and knows exactly how to find and reach us.
And for that I am thankful. The journey that has gotten me to where I am today is one I never expected to take. This past year, God has transformed my life, my marriage, and my family. I can’t wait to share it with you.
I thank all of you for hanging on, waiting patiently, and just for being you. It means more to me than you will ever know. I am so blessed that God has placed me where He has and for whatever He has planned. Your guess is as good as mine to where He will take me, but what I do know is that wherever it is, it will be amazing.
